OBGYN | Gynecologist | Chicago | OB GYN Blog

We’ll Tell You Later - Waiting Until Later in the Pregnancy to Share the News
By Kim Seidel

Dr. Dayna Salasche waited until after her first trimester to share news of her pregnancy. It’s a practice that’s becoming more common with couples.

“My husband and I felt that this was a private time for us to enjoy the pregnancy,” says Dr. Dayna Salasche, an OB/GYN or Obstetrician and Gynecologist at Northwestern Specialists for Women in Chicago. “I also had some early complications and didn’t want everyone to be asking me about the pregnancy if there had been an unfavorable outcome.”

Dr. Salasche reaped the rewards of her decision. “My husband and I are very close to being with, but this really took that relationship to a different level – we became even closer, “ she says. “I also felt much ‘safer’ telling my friends and family once we did share our news.”

Along with the benefits, she encountered the downsides too. “I wasn’t feeling very well and it was hard to keep that from those around me.” Dr. Salasche says. “I am very close with my family, friends and the people I work with. So it was also difficult to keep such an important life event a secret from them. I wanted to tell them because I knew how happy they were going to be.”

Despite any downsides, many couples may wait to reveal the pregnancy because, in fact, after the first trimester, the chance for having a miscarriage drops significantly. “Similar to my situation, some couples have had a complicated beginning to their pregnancy and want to wait to tell until they feel it’s safe, just in case they have a bad outcome,” Dr. Dayna Salasche says, “Couples who have had an unfortunate experience with other pregnancies tend to keep their news private longer.”

Reasons to Wait

Marie Davidson, a clinical psychologist with Fertility Centers of Illinois in Chicago, Ill., echoes Dr. Salasche’s thoughts on the advantage of postponing pregnancy news. “As excited and optimistic as anyone is when they get that positive test, early pregnancy is not a sure thing,” Davidson says. “So waiting a while, or being very selective about whom you tell, makes sense.”

Newly pregnant couples may have an order in which they want to tell others – such as parents and siblings, good friends and then the world, Davidson says. She adds that most women will delay telling their boss and co-workers to avoid possible issues at work.

The major advantage to waiting is that the couple maintains control of the information, until they feel the pregnancy is well established. Then, they can decide who should know and in what order, Davidson says.

The pregnancy seems to go by faster if you don’t announce it to others until the second trimester, Dr. Salasche, who is a Gynecologist in Chicago, says. It’s a huge benefit for women to not have to explain to people why they don’t look pregnant if the baby was lost in the first trimester.

Disadvantages of Waiting

“Sometimes, feelings get hurt when a major secret like a pregnancy is kept for three months”, Dr. Salasche says.

Angie Sparks of Thousand Oaks, Calif., says her sister-in-law waited until her second trimester to share all three of her pregnancies with family members. Although she gave reasons, the situation caused upset emotions. “Her decision to wait was not easy for the family – or for me, especially as we had been good friends for many, many years,” she says. “It felt as though we were left out of some loop that my brother – and maybe even her side of the family – was in on. It seemed as though we were the last ones to know and the last ones able to celebrate.”

Spark’s sister-in-law postponed it because she is a neonatal intensive care nurse, and knows firsthand the fragility of pregnancy. “She didn’t want there to be unmet expectations – to make it harder on her or family – if she were to miscarry,” Sparks says. “While I understand her perspective, we were all still hurt.”

Sparks compares that experience with her sister’s pregnancy. “She called me on her cell phone from the doctor’s office to announce the news. “Sparks says. “I can see that I missed out on all of those feelings of excitement and wonder and joy for my sister-in-law.”

Now, Sparks herself found out she was pregnant with her first child early this year, and she and her husband notified family immediately. “We called all the parents and all the siblings, conferencing them in and sharing the news that way, “she says. “We didn’t’ want to wait around trying to figure out the ‘best’ or ‘most creative’ way to tell them.

They contacted their mother’s first. They also made sure to explain to their family that it was an early pregnancy, confirmed only with a home pregnancy test at that point. “As for friends and co-workers, we’re taking it a little more carefully,” she says. “Since my pregnancy will definitely affect the small business I work for, I have to be more strategic about sharing the news.”

If a woman decides to keep her pregnancy to herself, she won’t have the support needed in the event of a miscarriage or other pregnancy challenges, says Rebecca Macdonald, a mom from Aurora, Colo. She didn’t have a miscarriage, but experienced infertility treatments for several years before having her two boys. “I was open and honest with almost everyone about what was happening to me,” Macdonald says. “When I was given the diagnosis that I could not have children on my own, it was so important that my friends and family were there to support me.”

A co-worker of Macdonald’s kept her pregnancy a secret. “When she had a miscarriage, no one could understand why she was sobbing silently in her cubical, “Macdonald says. “She eventually shared the news of her miscarriage, but I think it was harder on her.”

Fun Ways to Share the News

While there may be no perfect time to announce a pregnancy, many couples decide to wait until the first trimester is over, or until the woman begins to show. Davidson says. “It is really important to talk this over with your spouse and reach an agreement,” she says.

Dr. Dayna Salasche, an OB/GYN, encourages her patients to be excited and to share their news. But, in the first trimester, they may want to limit it to the people they would tell and need for support if something bad were to happen.

Holidays and birthdays are especially wonderful times to announce pregnancy. It’s fun to reveal exciting news in person when everyone is already in a celebratory mood, Dr. Salasche says.

“A great moment to share your pregnancy news is going around the table at Thanksgiving dinner, taking turns saying why you are grateful,” Davidson says. “Just try to go last because your news will be hard to follow.”

Christmas, of course, and any other big holiday, is a neat time to give a pregnancy message. “However, your news could get lost in the shuffle of festivities, so consider how to keep it special and not have to compete with the holiday itself,” Davidson says.

Father’s and Mother’s Day are good times to celebrate special announcements as well. “I know one woman who waited a short while to tell her husband, so she could make it a Father’s Day surprise,” Davidson says. “It’s also the ideal birthday gift for a grandparent-to-be.”

Articles Brought to you by NSWObgyn Doctors include:

Dr Bonnie Wise
Dr Kimberly (or Kim) McMahon
Dr Dayna Salasche
Dr Seema Venkatachalam
Dr Melissa Dugan

Not According to (Birth) Plan
When Your Birth Plan Goes Astray
By Teri Brown

Women love the birth plan concept – it gives us the illusion that we, not our bodies, are in control. But it’s hard to be prepared for everything. Just ask Sarah Skofield, mother of three from Bowdoinham, Maine. She was having a planned C-section and thought she knew how everything was going to play out.

“It was a complete shock when the anesthesiologist couldn’t get a spinal and told me he needed to use general anesthesia,” says Skofield. “I consented and wasn’t aware of the birth of my son until I woke up an hour later. My husband had been waiting for me to wake up and he made sure the first thing I saw was our baby. I cried, but not happy tears. I was so confused and in pain. I felt cheated. Things definitely did not go the way I thought they would. It never occurred to me that I might need general anesthesia. I think if I had thought of that possibility, I would have been more prepared and it would have been a little easier.”

Elizabeth Thelen, mother of two from Rochester, N.Y., also made plans that didn’t turn out exactly the way she wanted them to. “We got the nursery set up, painted and got it all accessorized,” says Thelen. “I remember going to the doctor, a Gynecologist/Obstetrician in Chicago on a Tuesday, and my son was breech. I could feel his head in the middle of my chest. Well, later that week, he turned and broke my water. He was born five weeks early.”

The Benefits of a Birth Plan

Dr. Shelley S. Binkley, a board-certified OB/GYN with 16 years experience delivering babies and caring for pregnant women in Glenwood Springs, Colo., says that creating a birth plan can be very empowering. “If you’re going to develop a birth plan discuss it with your Obstetrician provider in the last month of pregnancy, before you actually arrive in labor,” Dr. Binkley says. “If you address it ahead of time questions can be answered and you’re more likely to make your provider aware of your wishes and align her behavior with your goals.”

If you want special music, bring it. Lighting can be adjusted by you or the labor staff. Remember that a birth plan is a wish list, the things you hope will happen, but don’t get too attached to it.

“There are some things to be aware of regarding birth plans,” Dr. Binkley says. “You, the labor nurses and the Obstetrician provider are, to a large extent, at the mercy of your labor. There are some things you and they can affect, and others that are completely out of their and your hands.”

Keep Expectations in Check

Often times, high expectations cause high frustration. If things don’t go as planned, the disappointment can be devastating. “It seems to me, after years of delivering babies, people with detailed prescriptions about how things will go often have more difficult labors and are more likely to wind up with a Cesarean section or difficult birth than families who approach labor with a relaxed but positive attitude and are willing to make adjustments in their expectations,” Dr. Binkley says.

It’s difficult to be prepared for everything that can happen during birth as there are a thousand variables. Most people want a minimal intervention as possible. They want their baby on the tummy, they want Daddy to cut the cord they want to be able to breastfeed right away. But what they want isn’t always what happens.

Dr. Kimberly McMahon, an Obstetrician and Gynecologist at the Northwestern Specialists for Women in Chicago, says it’s good to be prepared no matter what the plan is. “Nothing can really prepare a woman for her first labor, and no one can predict how long or how painful it might be,” Dr. McMahon says. “The best approach is for patients to keep their options open. If she needs pain medication, then she should be given the various options.”

Even second births can be unpredictable. A woman may have a perfect labor that follows the birth plan to the letter and still have a second birth that is completely different. By keeping your plan flexible, you are no only protecting yourself from disappointment, but you are giving your care providers the freedom to help no matter what the circumstances.

“Every woman would like to know when it will happen, how long it will take and whether or not she really will need pain medicine,” Dr. Binkley says. “Here are the definitive answers to these questions: It won’t happen soon enough or it will happen before you’re ready. It will take way too long or will be much faster than you thought; and it will hurt less or more than you expect. Some labors will be quick and uneventful while others may take days and require medical intervention to accomplish the deed.”

So having a birth plan is a good thing – being flexible about your plan is an even better thing.

Birth Plan Do’s and Don’ts

· Do write down your ideal labor experience.

· Don’t be bound by that ideal.

· Do discuss the plan with your doctor ahead of time.

· Don’t be close-minded about your doctor’s thoughts and ideas.

· Do as much as you can to follow the birth plan while in labor.

· Don’t be rigid about possible changes.

Articles Brought to you by NSWObgyn Doctors include:

Dr Bonnie Wise
Dr Kimberly (or Kim) McMahon
Dr Dayna Salasche
Dr Seema Venkatachalam
Dr Melissa Dugan

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Physician Assistants are educated in the medical model designed to complement physician training. They undergo intensive educational programs accredited by the National Commission on Certification of Physician Assistants (NCCPA) and upon graduation, take a national certifying exam developed by the NCCPA, in conjunction with the National Board of Medical examiners. In order to maintain national certification, PA’s must log 100 hours of continuing medical education every two years and sit for recertification exams every six years.

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